Dear Universe. Dear Moon lovers and Dear readers.
This isn’t my usual style of writing and is more of a personal entry about last night’s Full Moon in Sagittarius (Eclipse). – Ending past pains to enable growth.
I’ve been sitting here, drinking my black coffee and feel this urge to bare my soul but before we get to the latest of where I am right now, let me take you back, just a little bit.
Friday 31st October 2019:
Samhain, which is the second of 8th Sabbats (The wheel of eight). A time to celebrate death as one of our greatest teachers. I may write about the seasonal cycle another time as this post is not what that is about.
Anyways Storm and I went to a sober rave to honour the fire festival as well honouring our own growth. During our time at this event I had my cards read and what still pierces my mind now is how the lady looked at me with such intensity and said “You have a big heart, so… so, much love to give, it’s overflowing. You have a blank canvas – no karmic debt”. Which partly confused me as I knew I still had so many wounds to heal, people to forgive and attachments to release.
Three days later my 3-year relationship came to an end and this reality that I had created with someone I honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with came crashing down. Even right now as I type, I remember sitting in the bath completely broken. I ended up in a trance like state. The pain I was experiencing within my chest was such an intense force. Unbearable, almost suffocating. My heart continued to beat, harshly, getting stronger and faster, until it erupted out of my chest and shattered into a million pieces. I will never forget that moment, because as painful as it was, it was also, so beautiful. To see emerald green crystals float before me until they vanished into this deep dark vortex of a hole. I sat in the bathtub, hot water now turned lukewarm in complete shock and dazed to what had just happened.
A few seconds of returning to reality, I broke down, the pain remained but also felt different – indescribable, I just wanted it to end. In that moment as tears streamed down my cheeks, I gave myself to the universe. I fully surrendered.
The end of 2019 was the beginning of yet another transition in my life. I was in a downward spiral, not only was I heartbroken, I had lost my job and my grandad passed away. Yup, it was a pretty shitty end to 2019.
7 months on
The process of shedding layers is still happening. What came to my realisation last night is due to the flow of the lunar cycle. Since syncing with her phases, I am feeling more aligned with the universe. The lost fragments of my psyche are slowly coming back to me, coming home.
I know I have a long way to go but last nights Full Moon triggered something within me. I felt Lunar’s high vibrational energy and she gave me the strength to cut ties with what no longer serves me and release what has been preventing me from walking my truth.
I’m not sure whether last nights Full Moon has had any effects on you, but I know all week I have been surfing the waves of emotions, the highs and the lows. On all levels: mind, body and soul. My higher-self insisted that I fully invest in this Full Moon eclipse. So, I did.
A 9 hour ritual involving self-love, expressing gratitude, forgiving and releasing.
During my Full moon bath ritual – let me set the scene for you:
Candles, incense, beautiful hymns playing in the background, crystals (rose, clear quart and amethyst placed around the bath. Selected herbs to amplify the healing process.
The herbs I used
(allowing it to brew 30-60 mins / straining before pouring into the bath):
Lavender: Promotes clairvoyance, cleansing, tranquillity, spirituality.
Rose: Love, Confidence, healing, truth and protection.
Rosemary: Psychic detox, purification, Past life recall.
Hibiscus: Love, divination and dreams.
I set my intentions whilst charging the water with Reiki.
“This bath remedy will cleanse and purify all levels of myself, mind, body and soul to heal past and current wounds and traumas.
To help wash old layers of who I use to be and welcome in the new version of me. I welcome in love, confidence, psychic abilities, my authentic truth and my soul purpose.
No harm to myself or anyone else.
So mote it be. Times 3”.
I got into the bath allowing the water to wash over my body as if the water I had blessed was cleansing all aspects of my being. Removing toxic energies and releasing old beliefs. As I soaked my skin, sipping my sacred cacao – opening myself up to all that is. I mentally prayed to my team of light, my ancestors, my grandparents, Mother Gaia, Father sky and Hecate – thanking them for watching over me, guiding me and how much I truly love them. In that moment I felt it.
I was in a bliss like state, love filled up my vessel and tears flowed gentle down my face. This time, the tears were not from pain, they were tears of love. I was being healed. I could feel my heart. Healing and reopening. Each petal in the heart’s energetic centre was opening up and blooming.
What’s so symbolic about this experience for me, is that I saw and felt my heart break in the bath and it was the same place I felt my heart being restored.
The rest of my night involved sharing cosmic healing with Storm: Sound medicine and Reiki – sending healing energy out to everyone. Journaling and sharing what we had written. I knew I had so much to release. Once me and Storm had ended our joint ritual with chanting. I continued communicating with the universe. It resulted to me writing 8 pages of forgiving the people / situations that have caused me pain. – Starting from my childhood trauma.
A voice entered my mind and told me to go back into time.
Getting into a meditative state – I went back to my younger self.
There I was (younger self) sitting in my room, alone, confused and frightened. I sat down next to her and we had a deep conversation, a heart to heart. I told her she was brave. That she was deeply loved and that things would be different from now. I hugged her and reassured her that if she ever needed me then I would be there for her. All she has to do is reach out to me. My heart is open now. I’m in tune.
I finished up writing and then released what I had written by burning it. This seemed to take up a fair amount of time. Almost an hour or at least what seemed like an hour. Once I had done this… I thanked the Universe once again. A wave of energy entered my being, I anointed myself with Moon water and decided to end my ritual by going outside and Moon bathing.
Releasing so much has really drained me, however it is an end to something that has been weighing me down for years. This ritual of forgiving and releasing helped me with letting go of past pains.
As the saying goes:
“When one door closes, another opens.”
And, I’m finally ready to walk through.
Out of curiosity did last night’s Full Moon in Eclipse affect you in anyway, if so, what has been your experience?